Here’s my backstory. You may (or may not) know that my first husband was the man who committed the Amish Schoolhouse Shooting in 2006 (read more here). Walking through those days and that season changed me. But not in the ways you might imagine. As I journeyed through trauma and brokenness, my relationship with God deepened and he met me in a profound way forever changing my life. I felt him with me. He was closer than I ever experienced before the tragedy, and I felt surrounded by his care. 

I became a stronger version of myself. I saw the world through a fresh perspective, and I felt infused with determination to help my children heal and live a life not defined by my husband’s choices. 

And I have.

In May, 2007, I married my second husband, Dan. And there truly aren’t words to describe how amazing he is and how much he loves me. He knows just when (and how) to encourage me. He makes me laugh (usually when I’m too serious and intense), and he balances out my lack of patience with his nearly endless supply.

In the years since 2007, we’ve experienced highs and lows. We lost my dad to lung cancer, I published my first book (One Light Still Shines), and we adopted our youngest son. I’m grateful for the life we’ve built together, and the way God has carried us through it all.

But perhaps the past few years have been some of the most transformative yet. As 2019 ended, and I looked ahead to 2020, I felt God whisper “college”. (I’ll save the specifics of that story for another day, but it proves to me that God has a sense of humor.) I spent the next two and a half years pushing through 6 classes each semester (year-round). I graduated in 2022 Summa Cum Laude, with a degree in Organizational Behavior (psychology for the workplace), from Immaculata University.

During the pandemic I started my coaching business. I love helping women to rediscover the purpose, identify small steps that help them achieve their goals, and cultivate a life they love (regardless of circumstance).

Last fall I wrote a book, To Help You Heal (Transform your life through the partnership of faith, psychology, and grit.) It’s releasing this fall, and I can’t wait to share more with you in an upcoming email.

On an average week you’ll find me coaching the women in my membership and programs, working with organizational clients to strengthen their workplace culture, and speaking to various groups across the country. And of course, I’m soaking up the conversations with my (now older) kids, time with my husband, sticky kisses from my three-year-old grandson and snuggles with my four-month-old granddaughter.

I love my life. And there’s never been a time when I’ve felt more alive than this season. I cherish the conversations that help others gain clarity, reduce distraction, and help them live life on purpose!

Each Thursday you’ll find me popping in with a message that will help you do the same. In celebration of this email launch, I’m offering an opportunity to Reset Your Purpose through a (FREE) 30–45-minute conversation with me. There are only 2 sessions left!  Once they are booked, the link will expire.  (These sessions are intended for those who have not had a free session with me previously.)

Zoom sessions for anyone regardless of location.

Walks for Wellness on my favorite path (the one you’ve seen in my stories) if you’re local to Lancaster, PA.

Coffee Chats at my favorite local coffee shop (Strasburg, PA).

If you’re stuck, tired, or simply want more from your life now, grab one of the sessions through this link. You’ll come away feeling lighter, brighter, renewed with clarity, and clear on your direction.

I’d love to hear about you, what’s new in your life, and what you need most right now.

Send me a message (I read all of them.)

On October 2, 2006, my life changed.  My husband and I were married almost 10 years.  I was a stay at home mom to 3 young kids (ages 7, 5 and 18 months). I thought we had a good relationship.  I loved my family.  Life was simple. When I woke up that morning I had no idea that before lunchtime I would become a widow, my kids would no longer have a father, and my community would face heartbreaking devastation.

My husband committed the Amish Schoolhouse shooting.  My simple, predictable life was over.  I could not comprehend how this man I loved, this man who loved our kids, was capable of killing children.  But there was no way to deny it.  Everyone asked me to answer for Charlie’s choices, but I didn’t have answers.  All I held were broken pieces of the life we built and the promises we made. I felt devastated and desperate, but not without hope. God was our constant, and I knew I could trust him. He had showed me in countless ways throughout the years that he was faithful.  To me, this was much bigger than anything I had faced before, but I knew he didn’t see it that way.  He saw our pain, not from a distance, but from the place where we stood. That day I chose to surrender my brokenness and trust him with something I could not see my way through.

God promised redemption.  And he has kept his promise.  Let me tell you about our journey.  You can see/hear me talk about it in this short video.

And if you find yourself walking a similarly unexpected road, know that the same God who writes his redemption story in my life is writing one in yours.  Nothing is impossible.  His love never fails.

Upon the margins of my heart etched in a thousand drops of rain,

Frames life and death, black and white, evidence of what remains.  

These droplet ribbons run, as dappled colors collide,

Fallen from green pools of sorrow deep inside.

Tears cascade, meandering upon my face, 

Ever flowing from a seemingly endless place.

And somehow as these tones converge,

I stare in wonderment; joyous glimmers emerge.

For there, flowing forth from salty pools,

Runs a rainbow of gloriously brilliant hues.

His promised declaration covers me,

Permanency gleams, alluding to what will be.

The words he speaks are ever true, 

No shifting, no changing of these 7 hues.

As I linger in the vibrancy of Rainbow’s embrace, 

Death’s shadow departs, vanishing without a trace. 

Gazing once again at the marks upon this page,

My eyes are drawn to beauty, by the One who eclipses pain.

The One who eclipses pain.  This phrase became the anthem to the rest of my day.  Jesus, in his mercy, passes between me and the pain.  He covers me, he heals me, he envelops me.  In the softness of his embrace, sorrow melts away.  I see it no longer.  In past years I’ve learned not to run from pain, but to run towards Christ, anticipating a tangible release of new life.  Always available, he takes the substance of my wound, and in return, gives the essence of true love.  It is The Great Exchange!  He took the weight of yesterday’s burden, painted a picture with it, and released amazing joy.  Redemption displayed in beauty for brokenness.

And so, on this 6th anniversary, the sky pours forth it’s million drops of rain, quite fitting, as He proclaims his poetic life inside my heart. I look, with expectation, toward the pools of color running across my story.  Dappled drops of varying shades—each moment proclaiming redemption, provision, grace, mercy and love, they flow over me washing away the black and white.  As I look in the mirror radiance greets me, beaming brightness, a divine display.  I am adorned with His rainbow, covered by His promise.  My heart knows joy, not trumpeted on center stage at high volume, no, this joy is different.  It is clothed with mercy, in a million drops of rain.

There are many circumstances in my life that I’m not thankful for (in the initial event kind of way) but I’m beyond thankful for what God’s done with them. In Romans 8:28 we read: “And we know that in all things God works to the good of those that love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  In a moment of devastation it seems impossible, but it’s true. I’m not thankful for the choices Charlie made on 10/2/2006.  I’m not thankful for the way my life changed that day, the brokenness I endured, the way I had to stand and fight.  BUT, I am thankful for the depth of intimate relationship I now have with Christ- he came to my rescue, he stood alongside me and he gave me courage and strength when I was empty and alone.  He gave me freedom to walk in victory above my circumstances, not buried under the weight of them.  He showed me how to lean in to him, to rely on him, to watch him come through…to trust, to have faith, and to hope.  When He’s all you’ve got, He is all there is!  On the day I became a widow and single mom of 3 precious children, I faced a startling reality full of hard choices.  My dream of a shared life together forever had come to a sudden and tragic end- I was left to handle everything on my own.  I had no idea, at the time, how God could possibly redeem any of it, but I gave my life to him, yielding myself and offering all.  I don’t say this out of pride, but for the point of reference- I knew that I had nothing and I could do nothing on my own.

As much as my heart still mourns the loss of that day for my family, the other family’s impacted and first responders, I also celebrate the ways that God reached down and touched my natural with his supernatural.  I wouldn’t have ever dared to dream that a man would choose to share my life- there are so many complications and hard places, but it happened.  God had this amazing plan that he started unfolding quickly after Charlie’s death.  I met and married my husband, Dan, in less than 8 months following my loss.  I know that this is not typical or advisable in many cases, but God did something extraordinary for my children and me.  He knew that we couldn’t wait, the time was now and we needed Dan.  I say often that he is like “Jesus with skin on”.  I’ve never met anyone so self-sacrificing, thoughtful, and intentionally loving.  He has given me the courage to believe in myself and go after dreams buried deep within my heart.  He calls out my destiny; he’s my springboard.  If you stand along the side of a swimming pool you can jump in, dive and do tricks, but think about how much better it is if you’re on the diving board!  It sends you higher; the board provides a bounce, a distance, beauty that you can’t get on your own.  That’s what Dan does for me.  As I think about the treasure of love he gives me every day, from the abundance inside of him, I’m thankful.  I’m thankful that he shares with me, but more than that, I’m thankful he has given himself to the master-craftsman, the one who fills him with rare and priceless jewels.  Dan has also walked a difficult road- his life has had it’s own share of broken dreams and shattered pieces, but in the midst of those he has chosen to yield himself to God’s plans and purposes.  I’m not thankful for the heartbreak he has endured, but I’m thankful for what he has allowed God to do in and through it.   In the places where he has suffered he now has eyes that see my pain, a heart that bears my hurt and tears that mourn my scars (not just for me, but also for the kids).   Instead of choosing bitterness of the events of his life he chose God’s grace, he chose to not understand why in the moment, but to allow God to be bigger than what he was going through.  In each one of those places, although he didn’t know it at the time, he chose to allow God to prepare his heart to love me.  Dan’s love is just what I need: the gentleness of his arms is just how I must be held, the softness of his heart soothes the pain in mine, the tenderness of his words is the voice of the Father in my ear.  I wouldn’t want to think about life without him!  I can only imagine that as I was grieving my loss in Oct. 2006, God was whispering, encouraging my heart that I would bear this pain for a little while, but he had a beautifully glorious light coming at the end of my solitary tunnel.  It wasn’t going to be long, he was bringing redemption and restoration, so amazing and completely that it would blow my mind.

Dan yielded himself to be “Jesus with skin on”…and through him, God has provided for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.  (Isaiah 61:3)  Dan is an oak of righteousness, and thankful doesn’t begin to express what’s in my heart- for who he is and how he gives life to me.  God has purposed to work out a majestic “good” in Dan’s life that has beautifully impacted the “good” in mine…what greater purpose is there than that; to allow the devastation and destruction in our lives to become part of the tangible blessing of God to another…His rich, deep, unending love.

I’ve been thinking about these verses a lot over the past couple months and wanting to understand more clearly and deeply, the Father’s heart on marriage.   We see, through scripture, the comparison between marriage and Christ’s love for the church.   We hear words of unity, respect, love and even submission.  As I’ve asked for His perspective here’s what’s resonating in my heart today.  Marriage is about 2 becoming 1.  There are lots of ways this happens.   It’s about sharing, sharing the same last name, finances, responsibilities and intimacy.  I love sharing my heart with my husband, Dan…I love sharing the little things I’ve been treasuring inside, pondering over, and I love his response.  Sometimes I find myself sharing things I don’t love: worries, stress, frustration; and again, I love his response.  I have seen so clearly the love of Jesus poured out through the love of my husband.  His encouragement, support, oneness- it’s like Jesus with skin on.   Now before you get the wrong idea and stop reading let me tell you the other side of the story.  It’s not all perfect.  We have days just like everyone else, there are times when I’m not hearing Dan’s heart and he’s not hearing mine, times when the stuff that’s in our hearts is better left unsaid.   We are both human beings who rub each other the wrong way some days.  The challenge comes in those moments- will I stop and remind myself that we’re on the same team?  Will I choose to believe that we’re fighting for the same goals and dreams?  Do I want to make the tough choices to call my attitudes sin, seek forgiveness and move on?  Will he do the same things?  More often than not, the pitfalls of marriage don’t come from huge, glaring incidents, but realistically they come from small things that aren’t dealt with; things that are swept under the rug and pile up over time.  So how do I get back to oneness, unity, love, and respect?  In the verses above we are reminded of the words God wrote in Genesis 2:24, that’s where it started- the 2^nd chapter of the Bible!  “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”   After speaking of unity and becoming 1, there is no place where it is suggested that we, as married couples, divide ourselves.  That just sounds crazy…but don’t I do that all the time?  If I really want to follow God’s heart for marriage and love my husband the way it is intended, then shouldn’t everything I do come from a place of marital oneness?  Regardless of location, I should carry my husband with me through each thought and action, knowing that we are perpetually 1.  Our marriage relationship parallels our relationship with Christ.  Unity in our marriage should flow so completely that God is blessed and Christ is exalted.  The way I choose to love Dan should clearly portray my love for Jesus and in receiving the love my husband longs to give I open my heart to the lover of my soul.  These 2 relationships are set to be complete mirror images of one another.  My husband and I openly loving and giving ourselves to/for each other in thought and deed; and my relationship with Jesus- actively giving myself in love to him, partnering with him in what he is doing and receiving love and intimacy in return.  For me it is counter to what I’ve seen and heard from a world which says that marriage is 50/50, give and take; I say it’s 100/100!  This goes against belief patterns I’ve held my whole life, it’s turned my world upside down.  I see the concept, I believe in what God’s speaking to my heart and I’m working to be the bride that he desires, both for Dan and for Jesus.  Am I there?  Not yet, but we’re working on it.  I am thrilled by the changes I see inside myself, the way it’s impacting Dan and others around me.  Ultimately I know that as good as all of that is, it doesn’t compare to the richness of relationship that Jesus is cultivating inside my heart, right now…as He whispers and I wonder.